Friday, November 20, 2009

And Then The Clouds Appeared....

Hope is faith holding it's hand out in the darkness.
George Ils

I didn't think I would be posting this soon. Today I got a call that every adult dreads about an aging parent. I found out my mother has adenocarcinoma. More commonly known as lung cancer. They still have to do another biopsy to find out what stage it is in before the prognosis is certain. I'd known about the possibility of this for over a month, but the shock is still there.

I've gone through many emotions today as I've talked to my mother, siblings and friends. Numbness, denial, anger...all the classics. But I found some light and hope. The light was that originally I was supposed to be away this weekend. And I've worked the last several Fridays. I've had the space today to process this and I've had wonderful loving support from people around me. The hope is that despite the fact they cannot operate to remove the tumors due to my mother's other health issues, that they will be able to treat it successfully through other means.

It's been tough though. I've been both a professional educating my siblings about how people react to the news, the stages of grieving (I used to work for hospice programs) and a daughter scared to my core at the possibility of losing my mother. I've encouraged my sisters to find balance, to accept the support of those around and to most of all just take it one moment at a time. They've given me their love and care in return. Again the light in the clouds of this event, I'm not alone...I have so many people who care for me and I give thanks for that.


Loreena McKennitt, "In the Bleak Midwinter":

Monday, November 9, 2009

No Cares.....

A happy woman is one who has no cares at all; a cheerful woman is one who has cares but doesn't let them get her down.
Beverly Sills

The last few weeks have been a challenge (aging parents, relationships, work etc), but I've been facing them with a surprising level of insight, hope and some laughter at life's absurdities. It's admitting that there are cares, but not letting them pull you into a sea of despair and drown you that make all the difference. Life is full of possibilities and if you see the challenges as a way of teaching about these possibilities, then you'll make it through. My harp playing and photography are growing by leaps and bounds as I use them to help work through the cares. Not to mention I've been doing comfort food recipes out of magazines. Roasted root veggies, fall stews, spiced cider anyone?

I'm going to see Great Big Sea this Sunday. Cannot believe it's been 12 years since I encountered their music when I was doing a charity bike ride in Nova Scotia (one of the most gorgeous spots on the earth). I was able to change my ticket as the first venue decided to do primarily "stand up" seating. Don't mind getting out of my seat to dance, but I like to have a seat. Besides that because everyone wants to see the band up close and personal, I've ended up being close and personal with peoples body parts that I'd rather not have been. At least not without having an introduction and drink first . Anyway, I opted to see them in Santa Cruz instead. In all my time in California I've never made it to there, so will be poking around for the day before the concert.

Great Big Sea, "Sea of No Cares":

Monday, November 2, 2009


In my end is my beginning.
T. S. Eliot

It's sometimes hard to admit a need for an ending. This trip to Michigan has been about ending a long time pattern of behavior in relation to one of my family members. I've done what I can and can only do what the individual will accept. It is time to admit this and move on with the beginnings of some new things in my life.....

Time to go back to California, rock on and celebrate saying yes to life...

Samba Squad, "Rock Me in the Cradle":

Beauty Is...

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