Thursday, January 14, 2010


I try to contrast; life today is full of contrast
Gianni Versace

I flew into Michigan yesterday to begin what will be a pattern for my life for awhile. Coming out every 4-6 weeks to spend about 5-7 days each time during the last months of my Mom's life. I've been thinking much about what is happening right now and all I can think of is the ultimate contrast life and death is. I looked up these definitions:

  • the opposition or dissimilarity of things that are compared; "in contrast to", "by contrast"
  • the act of distinguishing by comparing differences
  • line: a conceptual separation or distinction;
  • put in opposition to show or emphasize differences;
  • the perceptual effect of the juxtaposition of very different colors
  • to show differences when compared; be different;
  • the range of optical density and tone on a photographic negative or print
I watched the light of the early morning sunlight hit the plane as I left San Jose and was inspired to grab my camera. As I went to sleep last night, the light coming through the blinds splashed on the wall facing me and again the patterns inspired me to pick it up. The rich contrast of light and dark resulting in such beautiful possiblity for image is always a source of inspiration and rumination.

During this period of time, I'm finding that the flavor of death is enriching my life. That is I'm more hypersensitive to the living of life and being in the moment. I'm doing more things, not putting them off and being more open with the people I care about. My Mom and I have also begun some very open conversations about this process we are both going through. But we are also laughing. An example of that was all of our lives when she has wanted one of us children she will go through a litany our all our 5 of names with it frequently ending, "damn it, one of you kids come here". She called for me this morning with the litany and I ended it just when she reached the last name by saying, "damn it, I'm coming there." We both got the giggles and couldn't stop. We agreed that if she didn't leave us with any other special mementos that we would record her saying that. There is also the taking of joy in just some simple routines like shopping and sharing a meal.

So I think Gianni Versace's quote today sums up where I'm at. I'll share more in the coming days. Thanks for being here for the ride.

Dixie Chicks, "Landslide":

1 comment:

susanna said...

I'm sorry to hear about your mom, Lisa-Marie. That's really tough. I'm glad that you both have the chance to be there with each other in the end, to say the things that you want or need to say to one another. I didn't have that chance with my father. I wish I had. I'm glad that you are finding beauty, laughter and love during this time.

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