Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Autumn Equinox

Then summer fades and passes and October comes. We'll smell smoke then, and feel an unexpected sharpness, a thrill of nervousness, swift elation, a sense of sadness and departure.
Thomas Wolfe

For me the Autumn Equinox is a spiritual day. I try when possible to spend some time in nature to do my meditation and reflect. In the twilight hours this evening I was able to walk through a turning wood and found a path to venture further into them to spend some time in quiet.

Earlier today I found someone's words and they speak profoundly of the meaning of what this year's equinox brings to me and were the source of my meditations:

At the Autumn Equinox the Earth demonstrates the beauty of Surrender. Surrender is a dirty word, in a domination culture. It reeks of passivity, of victimhood, of failure. We don't like to contemplate surrender. We like to force victory!

Consequently, we in the West have scant concept of the POWER inherent in surrender.

At any rate, we can't control it. We can't stop the seasons from turning. We can't stop the flow and ebb that happens in every aspect of life.The Earth at the Autumn Equinox shows us how to let go of the phase of growth and life. It's natural for humans to try to hold on, but limitation and death are beautiful players in this cosmic orchestra.

This may seem counterintuitive. But imagine a world where no one and nothing dies. Overcrowding is one thing, but what would we eat--living food? What solace awaits those suffering from injury or chronic pain? It would not create such a lovely world.

Both ebb and flow are necessary in this world, and indeed each fuels the other. Rest gives us energy to grow; growth creates a desire for rest. So the balance is growth and death, expansion and contraction, life and death.

In the next few days I will return to California. There is a plan to return to spend 1-2 months again with her beginning around Thanksgiving or so. Will the flow of my mother's life continue to this time? I don't know. During the last few weeks, I have helped educate her about Hospice and arranged for people from the program to meet with her. I've also tried to talk about the time that remains.

My mom is not a person who likes to talk about things. I am. We've struggled through the last year to find a meeting ground around the issues she has faced. I feel in this moment that I've done what I can. I am ready to surrender and for her to reach her rest whenever that may be in 1 month or 1 year.

For now, for me at least, there is peace.

May it be so for my mother and the rest of my family.

George Winston, "Autumn; Colors/Dance":

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