Saturday, November 27, 2010

A View From....A Cold World

To do anything truly worth doing, I must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in with gusto and scramble through as well as I can.
Og Mandino

It has been cold in Northern California this past week. In the early morning hours as I headed to the Jeep my shoulders would be hunched up in defense against the icy air and I found myself still so chilled even with the heater going, that I would pull over for an thawing hot drink.

It's been a couple of weeks too where I am shivering against the singular determination of life to bring change. Without going into detail, it is necessary to gain my clinical licensure in California so now I'm tip toeing through the land minds of application and if I clear that then passing two very difficult tests. My mom is declining. I'll be in Michigan in a little over two weeks to have the holidays with her and other members of my family. Overshadowing this is the knowledge it is her last. I hope it will be a good one.

It has also become necessary for me to prepare to move in the next 2-4 months. So I'm looking for a temporary place to stay as I don't know that I want to sign a year lease with all the change that is coming.

But I don't want to seem dismal, all of this is leading to something new and wonderful. I've traveled these roads in different forms before. I know the sign posts. Life is preparing me for change yet again and from previous experiencing I know though I feel somewhat frozen emotionally from the cold in my world, the thaw will come and blooming will occur.

Addendum: I spoke with my youngest sister this afternoon. She feels my mom is worsening rapidly. I'll call Hospice this week for an update. It may be selfish, but I'm hoping I don't have to leave until December 14th. We are going to be taking turns staying with her starting tomorrow so she won't be alone. That there tells me that things are changing....

Jonas Steur featuring Julie Thompson, "Cold Winds (Original Mix):

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