Sunday, February 20, 2011

I Am A Rock and I'm Getting Closer to Fine

I am a rock, I am an island
Simon and Garfield

It's been a long couple of months. I was called out to Michigan because they didn't think my Mom was going to make it. Long story short, she made it and is still here. I had to come back to California, because of other events happening, I'm moved into a condo on my own. So it's been busy. Emotions have been like a yo-yo. Up and down. I would like to return to Michigan in some ways, but in other ways, no. I'm playing it by ear. Things are changing in so many areas of life, I just take it as it comes.

My mom was moved to a permanent hospice house this past week to spend her last days, weeks or months? The doctors and we have given up predicting. My siblings and I are talking regularly and I think all of us being together in December for what we thought was her last days brought us together after a few initial rough spots.

I try to to talk to her daily. Some days she recognizes me, some not (the cancer is now in her brain). It's a tough call, but unless she has a miracle and returns to the Mom I know, I hope the end is soon. We're all tired and watching our mother regress into a child-like state has been hard.

Right now though I've found a center in my home, I'm meditating again, doing yoga and beginning to make plans to return to a life that I have in many ways let go in the past 19 months (but wouldn't trade it for the time I've had with Mom). I'm getting closer to fine.

Indigo Girls, "Closer to Fine":

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