Use your smile to change the world, but don't let the world change your smile
During the past 18 months I found I had lost my motivation, my direction and even a sense of purpose. While I cannot say fully what the total cause was, I know a big part of it. The post breast cancer medication I took. I tried to be a "good patient" and do what I was told to do so I could get the thumbs up from my medical providers. What no one really covered or wanted to believe were the side effects of the medication. Inflamed joints, constant pain, sleeplessness, even depression. Finally I had had enough and after not being able to get off the floor one night and thoughts about if life was worth living like this, I made the decision to stop the medication. My providers were not initially thrilled, but then my oncologist told me on the first visit post stopping the medication; "I think you made the right choice for yourself. The last visit before you stopped the medication, you didn't smile, you cried and that was the first time during the whole time in two years that you did that. Today you were smiling again."
I appreciated his honesty and that he got it. My life is getting back on track. I'm reopening the door to old passions and finding new ones. Life will never be what it was, but I am making it the best I can. I went to the mountains to celebrate my birthday last week. A friend and I camped. My dog decided she wanted to visit my friend's RV and her smile engaged mine. The world came into focus and seemed all right for the first time in awhile.
It's been a tough couple of weeks world, but keeping smiling, it's all we got.
Nat King Cole, "Smile":
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