Friday, January 5, 2007

Life's Paths

When I decided to do this blog, I wanted it to be about the good, the bad, the not so good and the definitely ugly. Today started on the good, skidded into the ugly and came back to the good by days end again.

The ugly is coming from my work. To put it simply I don't always color inside the lines and my skies are often many colors instead of blues. It creates conflict at times when I'm working in a medical environment. When I went to college I was encouraged by teachers to follow a fine arts path due to my approach to life. I didn't have enough confidence in myself at that time and took the path to an eventual MSW. Don't get me wrong I've enjoyed what I've learned and done so far, but I know it's now about walking the fine arts path...but I'm finding it's not easy. Little things like a regular salary, benefits (a chronic health issue has made health insurance mandatory) etc. I know it should be therapist heal thyself, but I haven't found the way to find balance yet.

My job itself isn't stressful it's the people who are in charge of one of the clinics where I work. Today I came very close to walking off my job. A quick walk outside, a talk with someone and the promise that I was coming onto a three day weekend, stopped me. I know the time is coming for me to move back East as my time out in California was only meant to be 1-2 years.....The question I have is how do I want to go...working part-time, doing something like waitressing instead etc....I know I'll eventually get there, I just have to keep open to opportunities that open. One thing I've discovered in my life's wanderings: the right path opens up at the right time for the right reasons. I was never sure why I ended up in California until the last months, but I now know it was to get me back onto a fine arts path....

There is a group of us who call ourselves the Darkroom Dames and we get together to support each others artistic efforts...that helped me tonight. It focused me and re energized me...not to mention the carmel chai tea I had.

crowded cubicles
cold people, phones keep ringing
no soft peace at work
hot carmel chai tea steaming
pet on lap, homecoming bliss

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