Today I got feeling much better after a 10 hour sleep. My emotions were more settled and I could see with a clearer sense of what my next steps needed to be. After working with the surgeon and the radiologist I realized if I want to blend allopathic and complimentary treatments...if I really want to heal, it's going to be my responsibility to bring together the elements that will help me scale the summit.
So after consideration, I took my first drive in 4 days and went to Barnes and Noble. I parked myself in front of the section on cancer and found 3 vital books....Breast Cancer Survivor's Fitness Plan, Mindfulness-Based Cancer Recovery and Embrace Release Heal.
I went through the Breast Cancer Survivor and found an exercise plan and began stretches/balance exercises appropriate for lumpectomy. Tomorrow I will add the strength training element. Also, I walked. I read the Embrace Release Heal and found agreement from other cancer persons that if you do not take the reins of your healing, you might find the horse taking you on a trail you don't want to go down. In reading the book I realized that if I really want to heal I need to be away from work for a time. The universe has given me the means in I can do it and be supported financially. So I will meet with my primary if possible in the next few days as I believe he would be the most amenable to my reasons and plan for taking time off. I also have work to do on anger, fear and other pieces of my shadow. I will be doing that through journaling, meditation, spiritual exercises and other ways that I discover.
What is incredible though is that my doctors didn't even mention about exercising for my shoulder, underarm, breast area. If I hadn't found the information I found today, I could be facing a frozen shoulder etc. I could feel pulling, tingling and almost burning as I went through the exercises, but I also realized, that I was healing and it kept me going.
I also began eating more normally today. For the last few days crackers, a few pieces of banana, and broth, a bit of yogurt has been all I seemed to want. Today I had a salad and soup twice. Also my sense of smell seemed more acute after the surgery and certain smells have been nauseating. That seems to be going away.
My biggest eye opener today is the dawning realization that cancer may not be the death sentence that some people seem to think it is rather it may be what finally brings me to a fuller awareness of my life and what I need in it. I'm not a positive pollyanna. I have had and I will have anger, this is part of the journey, but what I do with it eventually is what will make the difference to what is to come in my life.
My gratitude today is for educational materials being placed into my hands that I need and that they contain the messages I need in this moment. Also for the quiet and silence of today that I can reflect...
Sarah Mclachlan, "Silence":
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